We hear this all the time, don't we? I used to scoff at it. When you're trying so hard for so long, and still there is no change, it seems like a pointless suggestion. It takes more than one person to create real change in the world; it takes a lot of people. Every person who does do it is one more person making that effort and possibly inspiring others to do the same. You have to start somewhere. You can make the world a kinder place by being kinder to the world. It doesn't seem like much, but imagine if everyone did it.
People say this to those who are unhappy in a relationship. A lot of "experts" will tell you that one person's behavior can turn a relationship around, because if you're singing a sweeter tune, it might influence your partner to do the same, either automatically or through making the choice to actively try. This may be true for a relationship that's going through rocky terrain or one of those flat phases, but when one person just doesn't really care, nothing you do is going to change that. Still, you don't know until you try.
It can be especially annoying to hear this when it's your life you're wanting to change. That's because what we're wanting to change are things we don't have complete control over. We don't want to change ourselves; we want to change things, objects, circumstances. We want to move, to travel, to find love, to live in a nicer home or drive a nicer car, to conquer health conditions, to lose weight or quit smoking, to get away from annoying neighbors or jerk bosses. You can't be those kind of changes.
You can, however, be the change you want to see in yourself, and in doing so make it more likely to achieve those goals--by working hard, by saving money, by trying and fighting and not giving up, by creating solutions, accepting help, keeping your eyes open for opportunity. Those are behaviors though, and you can't be a behavior. Your chances for making those changes are influenced by external factors outside of your control, too, which makes it unhealthy to want them too much.
You know what's not outside of your control? You. Your mind. Your heart. Take a closer look at what you want. Reevaluate that. Change what you want. Don't target an object, a thing, a circumstance. Focus on the abstract: your thoughts and your feelings. I'm not preaching the law of attraction here: that through positive thinking, you can attract positive experiences. The goal isn't to use positive thinking to get things you want; it's to want to think positively, to want only happiness above all.
If things in your life are making you unhappy, you are too attached to them. If change that isn't coming is making you unhappy, you want the changes too much. If you want something, and you just cannot be happy until you have it, you are giving it too much power! Be grateful for what you have. It sounds kind of patronizing, but try thinking about what you have that does make you happy, instead of what doesn't. What everyone really wants deep down is to be happy, so be happy. You're always going to want unhappy things to change; you just can't let those desires rule your thoughts and emotions.
If you want to feel happy, then think happy. Smile; it releases endorphins, which make you happier. Hug someone you love, really hug them, and take five minutes to feel thankful that they exist. Maybe your relationship isn't perfect; think about how your life would be without it. If it wouldn't be better, maybe you're more dissatisfied than you should be. Choose to be grateful--for the beauty in the world, for what (little) bounty you may have, for another day to create change and all the time left in life. Hope.
Try making what you want less specific. Don't focus on a specific outcome, on having specific needs met, on having your partner do or not do certain things. Being too focussed on specifics is a recipe for disaster, and when you free your mind from them, sometimes you realize the big picture is close enough to perfect already. Oh, you may want more; you'll always will, and ambition is healthy. But want happiness above all, and give it to yourself. No one can be happy all the time, but changing your perspective works wonders.
Your brain responds to external stimuli, but you control your thoughts and feelings. When you start thinking about unhappy things, it's your choice whether to mentally change the subject. When you start feeling sad, it's your choice whether to wallow or turn the radio up and sing until you feel better. When you think, don't focus on how bad it is but on what you can do to change it. Remember that sorrow is an unavoidable part of life that will always pass. It's okay to cry, because crying is a healthy release that is sometimes needed for healing.
Everything moves in cycles. What goes up comes down; what falls will fly again. Winter, spring, summer, fall, winter. Wealthy, poor, well-off again. Happy, sad, happy, sad. Look back at your life. You've had green pastures and rough terrain. Sometimes, it's crappy all around; sometimes, it's wonderful; sometimes, there's a lot of both. But no phase, good or bad, lasts forever. Change will come; that's the big picture of life. Stop rushing it.
You are God. Wanna be happy? Then be happy.
People say this to those who are unhappy in a relationship. A lot of "experts" will tell you that one person's behavior can turn a relationship around, because if you're singing a sweeter tune, it might influence your partner to do the same, either automatically or through making the choice to actively try. This may be true for a relationship that's going through rocky terrain or one of those flat phases, but when one person just doesn't really care, nothing you do is going to change that. Still, you don't know until you try.
It can be especially annoying to hear this when it's your life you're wanting to change. That's because what we're wanting to change are things we don't have complete control over. We don't want to change ourselves; we want to change things, objects, circumstances. We want to move, to travel, to find love, to live in a nicer home or drive a nicer car, to conquer health conditions, to lose weight or quit smoking, to get away from annoying neighbors or jerk bosses. You can't be those kind of changes.
You can, however, be the change you want to see in yourself, and in doing so make it more likely to achieve those goals--by working hard, by saving money, by trying and fighting and not giving up, by creating solutions, accepting help, keeping your eyes open for opportunity. Those are behaviors though, and you can't be a behavior. Your chances for making those changes are influenced by external factors outside of your control, too, which makes it unhealthy to want them too much.
You know what's not outside of your control? You. Your mind. Your heart. Take a closer look at what you want. Reevaluate that. Change what you want. Don't target an object, a thing, a circumstance. Focus on the abstract: your thoughts and your feelings. I'm not preaching the law of attraction here: that through positive thinking, you can attract positive experiences. The goal isn't to use positive thinking to get things you want; it's to want to think positively, to want only happiness above all.
If things in your life are making you unhappy, you are too attached to them. If change that isn't coming is making you unhappy, you want the changes too much. If you want something, and you just cannot be happy until you have it, you are giving it too much power! Be grateful for what you have. It sounds kind of patronizing, but try thinking about what you have that does make you happy, instead of what doesn't. What everyone really wants deep down is to be happy, so be happy. You're always going to want unhappy things to change; you just can't let those desires rule your thoughts and emotions.
If you want to feel happy, then think happy. Smile; it releases endorphins, which make you happier. Hug someone you love, really hug them, and take five minutes to feel thankful that they exist. Maybe your relationship isn't perfect; think about how your life would be without it. If it wouldn't be better, maybe you're more dissatisfied than you should be. Choose to be grateful--for the beauty in the world, for what (little) bounty you may have, for another day to create change and all the time left in life. Hope.
Try making what you want less specific. Don't focus on a specific outcome, on having specific needs met, on having your partner do or not do certain things. Being too focussed on specifics is a recipe for disaster, and when you free your mind from them, sometimes you realize the big picture is close enough to perfect already. Oh, you may want more; you'll always will, and ambition is healthy. But want happiness above all, and give it to yourself. No one can be happy all the time, but changing your perspective works wonders.
Your brain responds to external stimuli, but you control your thoughts and feelings. When you start thinking about unhappy things, it's your choice whether to mentally change the subject. When you start feeling sad, it's your choice whether to wallow or turn the radio up and sing until you feel better. When you think, don't focus on how bad it is but on what you can do to change it. Remember that sorrow is an unavoidable part of life that will always pass. It's okay to cry, because crying is a healthy release that is sometimes needed for healing.
Everything moves in cycles. What goes up comes down; what falls will fly again. Winter, spring, summer, fall, winter. Wealthy, poor, well-off again. Happy, sad, happy, sad. Look back at your life. You've had green pastures and rough terrain. Sometimes, it's crappy all around; sometimes, it's wonderful; sometimes, there's a lot of both. But no phase, good or bad, lasts forever. Change will come; that's the big picture of life. Stop rushing it.
You are God. Wanna be happy? Then be happy.
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