Kill your Self to find yourself.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Steak
"One day everything will be beautiful and perfect, and you'll have everything you ever wanted."
- me
I think it is of utmost importance to convince yourself that this is true and to live like this is true. There's no reason to believe it is, but there's no reason to believe it isn't either. There is no harm in it, only good, only peace. You're not going to get to One Day and realize that it was never true, because One Day is always in the future--so far in the future that all things are possible.
You gotta live your life like a dog, following a master who is dangling a steak. The dog looks pretty stupid, being tricked to follow this steak that he can't ever get--but it's not true that he can't ever get it. He will get it when master decides to give it to him. He believes when he gets to where master wants him to be, master will give him that steak. He's not thinking about whether or when he's going to get it; he's only focussed on the possibility, even inevitability that he will. He knows if he doesn't follow master, he certainly won't get the steak--so he follows because he knows if he wants it there is nothing to do but follow.
"If you think too much about what you're doing and what you should do, you waste too much time thinking about it and spend too little time doing it."
- my friend
One Day is that steak. Don't think about following it; just do it. Go with the flow, wherever it leads you. Just keep going towards the steak. Don't think about the other things you could be doing or should be doing. One day master will give it to you. Master is the grand design--destiny, whatever you wish to call it. One Day, you'll look around, and nothing will be as you expected or hoped--but you will realize that, despite that, you do indeed have all you ever wanted.
The steak doesn't represent any particular goal whatsoever. It's the reward at the end of the journey. Don't go around walking with preconceived notions about what the reward will be. It's a surprise. Just know that it will come, and it will be worth it. Do it because there's nothing else to do. Pass the A-1.
- me
I think it is of utmost importance to convince yourself that this is true and to live like this is true. There's no reason to believe it is, but there's no reason to believe it isn't either. There is no harm in it, only good, only peace. You're not going to get to One Day and realize that it was never true, because One Day is always in the future--so far in the future that all things are possible.
You gotta live your life like a dog, following a master who is dangling a steak. The dog looks pretty stupid, being tricked to follow this steak that he can't ever get--but it's not true that he can't ever get it. He will get it when master decides to give it to him. He believes when he gets to where master wants him to be, master will give him that steak. He's not thinking about whether or when he's going to get it; he's only focussed on the possibility, even inevitability that he will. He knows if he doesn't follow master, he certainly won't get the steak--so he follows because he knows if he wants it there is nothing to do but follow.
"If you think too much about what you're doing and what you should do, you waste too much time thinking about it and spend too little time doing it."
- my friend
One Day is that steak. Don't think about following it; just do it. Go with the flow, wherever it leads you. Just keep going towards the steak. Don't think about the other things you could be doing or should be doing. One day master will give it to you. Master is the grand design--destiny, whatever you wish to call it. One Day, you'll look around, and nothing will be as you expected or hoped--but you will realize that, despite that, you do indeed have all you ever wanted.
The steak doesn't represent any particular goal whatsoever. It's the reward at the end of the journey. Don't go around walking with preconceived notions about what the reward will be. It's a surprise. Just know that it will come, and it will be worth it. Do it because there's nothing else to do. Pass the A-1.
Dark Night
It is said to reach Enlightenment, or Awakening, or whatever you wish to call it, one must often pass through a Dark Night of the Soul or even several, until the dawn breaks, bringing new consciousness.
Jesus was a man and a god. He died on a cross in agony. For three days, he was dead, asleep, in darkness--wherever he was. Then he rose again and ascended to Heaven, no longer man and god, only god.
Is that not a perfect metaphor for freeing your mind of ego via the Dark Night of the Soul on the way to Divine Consciousness?
Jesus was a man and a god. He died on a cross in agony. For three days, he was dead, asleep, in darkness--wherever he was. Then he rose again and ascended to Heaven, no longer man and god, only god.
Is that not a perfect metaphor for freeing your mind of ego via the Dark Night of the Soul on the way to Divine Consciousness?
Gnosis
Gnosis: esoteric knowledge of spiritual truth held by the ancient Gnostics to be essential to salvation
sometimes referred to as personal experience with the "Divine Spark" -- experiencing God from within, not without
sometimes referred to as personal experience with the "Divine Spark" -- experiencing God from within, not without
Thursday, April 18, 2013
the Breaking
It is time to shatter the old belief systems--about everything from religion to relationships.
They are falling apart already.
They will not disappear in my lifetime or even my children's, but they are on the way out.
The world is changing.
Dogma's day is ending.
They are falling apart already.
They will not disappear in my lifetime or even my children's, but they are on the way out.
The world is changing.
Dogma's day is ending.
obligations
I am not responsible for your happiness. You are not responsible for mine.
I am responsible for my happiness. You are responsible for yours.
I will do what is within my power to promote your happiness, but do not blame me for your lack thereof.
It is not my obligation to hold your hand; it is your obligation to stand up and carry on, but I am happy to lend a hand to pull you to your feet and even a shoulder as a crutch over the rockiest terrains.
It is not my job to stand by your side at all times, forever, as you walk your path--for I have my own path to walk, and I cannot sacrifice it for yours. But so long as you stand at my side, I will be standing at yours, and we can forge a path together.
I cannot be your shepherd, because I must shepherd many and you are one. You are welcome to follow, but you will not tell me where to lead.
I owe you no promises or favors. I make promises to myself alone. I may make some to myself on your behalf, but not to you. This way I am accountable to myself if I break them, not to you, which is in your best interest, though you do not know it. If I choose to make you a promise, understand this is an honor I have bestowed upon you, and do not use it as leverage, for I will keep it in my own time in my own way.
I cannot be there for you all of the time, because I have many things to do, but I will be there for you when I can.
I do not have to keep you in my life. If you are sewing more negativity into my world than I can handle, then I must go. It is my choice to remain with you even when you are causing pain. Make this same choice about me and I will be more likely to make it about you.
I do not have to be nice to you all the time. It is no kind thing to reward someone for their rudeness, selfishness, or cruelty--nor am I a perfect person.
I do not owe you an apology. You do not owe me an apology. It is my choice whether to apologize, and it is yours as well. The same is true of forgiveness. But if you offer me sincere apologies and forgiveness, I will be more likely to offer you the same.
I do not have to agree with you. I do not have to keep my opinions to myself. I do not have to respect your dogma. I do not have to live a certain way to avoid offending you. You don't have to do these things either.
I cannot make you whole. Only you can do that.
I do not have to put you before myself. Ever. It is my choice whether to do so.
I am responsible for my happiness. You are responsible for yours.
I will do what is within my power to promote your happiness, but do not blame me for your lack thereof.
It is not my obligation to hold your hand; it is your obligation to stand up and carry on, but I am happy to lend a hand to pull you to your feet and even a shoulder as a crutch over the rockiest terrains.
It is not my job to stand by your side at all times, forever, as you walk your path--for I have my own path to walk, and I cannot sacrifice it for yours. But so long as you stand at my side, I will be standing at yours, and we can forge a path together.
I cannot be your shepherd, because I must shepherd many and you are one. You are welcome to follow, but you will not tell me where to lead.
I owe you no promises or favors. I make promises to myself alone. I may make some to myself on your behalf, but not to you. This way I am accountable to myself if I break them, not to you, which is in your best interest, though you do not know it. If I choose to make you a promise, understand this is an honor I have bestowed upon you, and do not use it as leverage, for I will keep it in my own time in my own way.
I cannot be there for you all of the time, because I have many things to do, but I will be there for you when I can.
I do not have to keep you in my life. If you are sewing more negativity into my world than I can handle, then I must go. It is my choice to remain with you even when you are causing pain. Make this same choice about me and I will be more likely to make it about you.
I do not have to be nice to you all the time. It is no kind thing to reward someone for their rudeness, selfishness, or cruelty--nor am I a perfect person.
I do not owe you an apology. You do not owe me an apology. It is my choice whether to apologize, and it is yours as well. The same is true of forgiveness. But if you offer me sincere apologies and forgiveness, I will be more likely to offer you the same.
I do not have to agree with you. I do not have to keep my opinions to myself. I do not have to respect your dogma. I do not have to live a certain way to avoid offending you. You don't have to do these things either.
I cannot make you whole. Only you can do that.
I do not have to put you before myself. Ever. It is my choice whether to do so.
Dogma and Enlightenment
I think the Buddhists are closest to having it right. I was never drawn much to Buddhism, except for certain concepts, because it seemed so complicated. And truthfully, I still believe the Buddhists overcomplicate concepts that, for mankind to truly embrace and benefit from them, need to be simplified. It was not meant to be a religion, but that is what it has become--and that makes it as outdated as the other dogmas of this world.
But there is universal truth and wisdom in every religion; you just have to cut through the superficial, elitest, meaningless drivel everyone has been spewing for so many centuries, proclaiming themselves Enlightened when in fact Enlightenment is not something you can reach in one lifetime, or many, if at all, because it is a continual process. As life and society on this planet changes, even the "Enlightened" will have more learning and growing to do to become Enlightened yet again. Maybe understanding this is the real key to Enlightenment.
But there is universal truth and wisdom in every religion; you just have to cut through the superficial, elitest, meaningless drivel everyone has been spewing for so many centuries, proclaiming themselves Enlightened when in fact Enlightenment is not something you can reach in one lifetime, or many, if at all, because it is a continual process. As life and society on this planet changes, even the "Enlightened" will have more learning and growing to do to become Enlightened yet again. Maybe understanding this is the real key to Enlightenment.
Purpose
Everyone has a purpose in this world. Some people never discover theirs or even stop to reflect upon what it might be, but they still have one. I've been ruminating a lot lately on what mine is. I always thought it was something like writing or music, but those are only methods, outlets, the how not the why.
I think I must be here, quite simply, to sew as much kindness, compassion, and forgiveness into the world as I can. It's something I've always tried to do, although I won't say I have never failed. I, in fact, fail on a daily basis because there are people I have yet to forgive, including myself. I've always felt guilty for even the smallest act of selfishness; it has taken me a long time to learn to "let" myself do things for myself without that feeling. I must be here to set a model for others, a template of selflessness, of love. Too many people equate selflessness with martyrdom. This is the kind of belief I am here to help change.
I think possibly I was born to be a vessel to absorb the hate, cruelty and pain of others, process it, channel it back into positive energy, and release it back into the world. This must be why I have run into so much wickedness and pain. This is why what I give to others is not returned to me--so that I will not expect return, because it is only my purpose to give. This is why I am an empath, why I can read the emotions of others so easily, why people are so willing to spill to me their deepest feelings--because I am here to heal them, even though I have such a hard time healing myself. This is why I have been a target for abuse--not because I am a victim, but because I am a vessel. People are supposed to pour their evil into me, so that I can turn it into good. It is my purpose to do this because I can, because I am strong enough, and I can do this because I was born to do this. I am open to suffering because I have suffered, and all of this has taught me the humility I will need to change this world.
I have been doing this all along my whole life unconsciously. It is no easy task, nor one I have always fulfilled. I have my own hurt to process and release, and I, too, have inadvertently released it into the world in some negative form or another--whether it be grouchiness, or hatred, or anger. I am nowhere near done, and it is a process I will have to repeat over and over, not only as I take in the negativity of others but also as I encounter more hurt and pain of my own in life. I know, though, that I am on the verge of new understanding. Even as I slide into depression yet again, now I give myself over to it, ride it, release it as it comes, and the smiles through my tears that once were painful and forced now come more easily. I smile because I am comforted by my tears, and when I smile, I am comforted even more. It is a smile of acceptance, of understanding that it is okay to feel this way, that this will pass and come again and pass, and that this is the way of life, especially for me.
I am still wrapping my head around new concepts of god and of love. I feel closer to understanding myself and the grand design than I ever have before, like a word dangling from the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get to come out. It feels like a sort of spiritual puberty, which is surprising, because formerly I had considered myself pretty spiritually evolved. Now I look back and realize it was more of an adolescense. My soul is growing up in this life. Perhaps the new bouts of depression are simply growing pains, necessary healing to facilitate a necessary heart opening. I am beginning to accept I have a certain path in this life that is very different than the one I imagined and wanted, and with that comes mourning for those lost intentions and possibilities. But the future holds all possibilities still. And as I come closer to this new understanding, I know that part of my purpose is to spread that understanding once I grasp it--to wake everyone else up.
I used to worry that I would die without ever being loved the way I wanted, needed, and deserved. Now I know this is a choice, not something that is out of my control, because I can learn to love myself this way. It is difficult because I have never had much love for myself really; that's always seemed selfish. I should love others, and love for me should come from others. But this is a false way of thinking. I must love myself so that others can learn how to love themselves--and because any love I feel for anyone else will be flawed until I am at peace within, which will only come through unconditional love for myself as well as everyone else, even the wicked hearts that sew sorrow into this world. Perhaps that is their purpose, and mine is the opposite--yin and yang.
I find myself increasingly fascinated by the concept of Twin Flames. I don't believe everyone has one, but I know that I do--because I can feel it, a longing, a calling that grows by the day, a knowing that there is only one person that I can ever meld with completely. I didn't know if I would find them in this lifetime, but now I believe that I will--and soon, probably within the next few years. Call it a premonition of sorts. Whether it'll be someone I already knew, and failed to recognize, or someone new entirely, I don't know--but I will be ready. Old ways of thinking, old beliefs, old peices of my life are falling apart. I am preparing to shed the trappings of the past, to close a chapter and open a brand new one. I don't know anything about this new chapter at all; it is wide open, bringing with it a sense of both uncertainty and freedom.
When I first started reading about Twin Flames and how they come together for a divine purpose in service to humanity, I assumed this work would begin upon the Reunion, that it is work that must be done together. Now I know this isn't true. I do not need my Twin Flame to begin or even finish this work. I began long ago. I remember a dozen "students" that I have connected with online and mentored, people that I have helped to understand the tarot, people I have brought into the Wiccan religion who later went on to forge their own paths, people I have helped through the tarot, a group of high schoolers gathering in a circle once a week at lunch, taking notes as I tell them about the All and magic and reincarnation, without even fully understanding myself. And I know that I have influence upon this world. I have not lost that. I just have not been using it.
I am under divine protection. What will be will be. I will go when it is time, whether I am finished or not, and I will be reborn to finish what I have started. All mourning for the events, losses or shortcomings of this lifetime come from the ego, my shell in this life, while the Divine within me knows that in the bigger picture there will be no true losses or shortcomings. My destiny is under divine protection. My union with The One, whether it is my Twin Flame, whether I even really have a Twin Flame, or whether it is merely a soul mate, is under divine protection. It does not matter if it happens in this lifetime. Time is infinite. It will happen. It is not my duty to seek these things. It is my duty to be patient as events unfold--not an easy task for a fire sign, and yet I seem to have an abundance of patience. It does run out, though, so my goal is to create an endless well of patience--and faith. Faith is not about religion. It's about trust--in life, in the natural order, in the Divine, whatever form that may take.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
Everything will come full circle.
I think I must be here, quite simply, to sew as much kindness, compassion, and forgiveness into the world as I can. It's something I've always tried to do, although I won't say I have never failed. I, in fact, fail on a daily basis because there are people I have yet to forgive, including myself. I've always felt guilty for even the smallest act of selfishness; it has taken me a long time to learn to "let" myself do things for myself without that feeling. I must be here to set a model for others, a template of selflessness, of love. Too many people equate selflessness with martyrdom. This is the kind of belief I am here to help change.
I think possibly I was born to be a vessel to absorb the hate, cruelty and pain of others, process it, channel it back into positive energy, and release it back into the world. This must be why I have run into so much wickedness and pain. This is why what I give to others is not returned to me--so that I will not expect return, because it is only my purpose to give. This is why I am an empath, why I can read the emotions of others so easily, why people are so willing to spill to me their deepest feelings--because I am here to heal them, even though I have such a hard time healing myself. This is why I have been a target for abuse--not because I am a victim, but because I am a vessel. People are supposed to pour their evil into me, so that I can turn it into good. It is my purpose to do this because I can, because I am strong enough, and I can do this because I was born to do this. I am open to suffering because I have suffered, and all of this has taught me the humility I will need to change this world.
I have been doing this all along my whole life unconsciously. It is no easy task, nor one I have always fulfilled. I have my own hurt to process and release, and I, too, have inadvertently released it into the world in some negative form or another--whether it be grouchiness, or hatred, or anger. I am nowhere near done, and it is a process I will have to repeat over and over, not only as I take in the negativity of others but also as I encounter more hurt and pain of my own in life. I know, though, that I am on the verge of new understanding. Even as I slide into depression yet again, now I give myself over to it, ride it, release it as it comes, and the smiles through my tears that once were painful and forced now come more easily. I smile because I am comforted by my tears, and when I smile, I am comforted even more. It is a smile of acceptance, of understanding that it is okay to feel this way, that this will pass and come again and pass, and that this is the way of life, especially for me.
I am still wrapping my head around new concepts of god and of love. I feel closer to understanding myself and the grand design than I ever have before, like a word dangling from the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get to come out. It feels like a sort of spiritual puberty, which is surprising, because formerly I had considered myself pretty spiritually evolved. Now I look back and realize it was more of an adolescense. My soul is growing up in this life. Perhaps the new bouts of depression are simply growing pains, necessary healing to facilitate a necessary heart opening. I am beginning to accept I have a certain path in this life that is very different than the one I imagined and wanted, and with that comes mourning for those lost intentions and possibilities. But the future holds all possibilities still. And as I come closer to this new understanding, I know that part of my purpose is to spread that understanding once I grasp it--to wake everyone else up.
I used to worry that I would die without ever being loved the way I wanted, needed, and deserved. Now I know this is a choice, not something that is out of my control, because I can learn to love myself this way. It is difficult because I have never had much love for myself really; that's always seemed selfish. I should love others, and love for me should come from others. But this is a false way of thinking. I must love myself so that others can learn how to love themselves--and because any love I feel for anyone else will be flawed until I am at peace within, which will only come through unconditional love for myself as well as everyone else, even the wicked hearts that sew sorrow into this world. Perhaps that is their purpose, and mine is the opposite--yin and yang.
I find myself increasingly fascinated by the concept of Twin Flames. I don't believe everyone has one, but I know that I do--because I can feel it, a longing, a calling that grows by the day, a knowing that there is only one person that I can ever meld with completely. I didn't know if I would find them in this lifetime, but now I believe that I will--and soon, probably within the next few years. Call it a premonition of sorts. Whether it'll be someone I already knew, and failed to recognize, or someone new entirely, I don't know--but I will be ready. Old ways of thinking, old beliefs, old peices of my life are falling apart. I am preparing to shed the trappings of the past, to close a chapter and open a brand new one. I don't know anything about this new chapter at all; it is wide open, bringing with it a sense of both uncertainty and freedom.
When I first started reading about Twin Flames and how they come together for a divine purpose in service to humanity, I assumed this work would begin upon the Reunion, that it is work that must be done together. Now I know this isn't true. I do not need my Twin Flame to begin or even finish this work. I began long ago. I remember a dozen "students" that I have connected with online and mentored, people that I have helped to understand the tarot, people I have brought into the Wiccan religion who later went on to forge their own paths, people I have helped through the tarot, a group of high schoolers gathering in a circle once a week at lunch, taking notes as I tell them about the All and magic and reincarnation, without even fully understanding myself. And I know that I have influence upon this world. I have not lost that. I just have not been using it.
I am under divine protection. What will be will be. I will go when it is time, whether I am finished or not, and I will be reborn to finish what I have started. All mourning for the events, losses or shortcomings of this lifetime come from the ego, my shell in this life, while the Divine within me knows that in the bigger picture there will be no true losses or shortcomings. My destiny is under divine protection. My union with The One, whether it is my Twin Flame, whether I even really have a Twin Flame, or whether it is merely a soul mate, is under divine protection. It does not matter if it happens in this lifetime. Time is infinite. It will happen. It is not my duty to seek these things. It is my duty to be patient as events unfold--not an easy task for a fire sign, and yet I seem to have an abundance of patience. It does run out, though, so my goal is to create an endless well of patience--and faith. Faith is not about religion. It's about trust--in life, in the natural order, in the Divine, whatever form that may take.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
Everything will come full circle.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Duality
"There is only one self within everyone and that one self appears to be seperate from God, but God is the self."
- anonymous
- anonymous
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