Everyone has a purpose in this world. Some people never discover theirs or even stop to reflect upon what it might be, but they still have one. I've been ruminating a lot lately on what mine is. I always thought it was something like writing or music, but those are only methods, outlets, the how not the why.
I think I must be here, quite simply, to sew as much kindness, compassion, and forgiveness into the world as I can. It's something I've always tried to do, although I won't say I have never failed. I, in fact, fail on a daily basis because there are people I have yet to forgive, including myself. I've always felt guilty for even the smallest act of selfishness; it has taken me a long time to learn to "let" myself do things for myself without that feeling. I must be here to set a model for others, a template of selflessness, of love. Too many people equate selflessness with martyrdom. This is the kind of belief I am here to help change.
I think possibly I was born to be a vessel to absorb the hate, cruelty and pain of others, process it, channel it back into positive energy, and release it back into the world. This must be why I have run into so much wickedness and pain. This is why what I give to others is not returned to me--so that I will not expect return, because it is only my purpose to give. This is why I am an empath, why I can read the emotions of others so easily, why people are so willing to spill to me their deepest feelings--because I am here to heal them, even though I have such a hard time healing myself. This is why I have been a target for abuse--not because I am a victim, but because I am a vessel. People are supposed to pour their evil into me, so that I can turn it into good. It is my purpose to do this because I can, because I am strong enough, and I can do this because I was born to do this. I am open to suffering because I have suffered, and all of this has taught me the humility I will need to change this world.
I have been doing this all along my whole life unconsciously. It is no easy task, nor one I have always fulfilled. I have my own hurt to process and release, and I, too, have inadvertently released it into the world in some negative form or another--whether it be grouchiness, or hatred, or anger. I am nowhere near done, and it is a process I will have to repeat over and over, not only as I take in the negativity of others but also as I encounter more hurt and pain of my own in life. I know, though, that I am on the verge of new understanding. Even as I slide into depression yet again, now I give myself over to it, ride it, release it as it comes, and the smiles through my tears that once were painful and forced now come more easily. I smile because I am comforted by my tears, and when I smile, I am comforted even more. It is a smile of acceptance, of understanding that it is okay to feel this way, that this will pass and come again and pass, and that this is the way of life, especially for me.
I am still wrapping my head around new concepts of god and of love. I feel closer to understanding myself and the grand design than I ever have before, like a word dangling from the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get to come out. It feels like a sort of spiritual puberty, which is surprising, because formerly I had considered myself pretty spiritually evolved. Now I look back and realize it was more of an adolescense. My soul is growing up in this life. Perhaps the new bouts of depression are simply growing pains, necessary healing to facilitate a necessary heart opening. I am beginning to accept I have a certain path in this life that is very different than the one I imagined and wanted, and with that comes mourning for those lost intentions and possibilities. But the future holds all possibilities still. And as I come closer to this new understanding, I know that part of my purpose is to spread that understanding once I grasp it--to wake everyone else up.
I used to worry that I would die without ever being loved the way I wanted, needed, and deserved. Now I know this is a choice, not something that is out of my control, because I can learn to love myself this way. It is difficult because I have never had much love for myself really; that's always seemed selfish. I should love others, and love for me should come from others. But this is a false way of thinking. I must love myself so that others can learn how to love themselves--and because any love I feel for anyone else will be flawed until I am at peace within, which will only come through unconditional love for myself as well as everyone else, even the wicked hearts that sew sorrow into this world. Perhaps that is their purpose, and mine is the opposite--yin and yang.
I find myself increasingly fascinated by the concept of Twin Flames. I don't believe everyone has one, but I know that I do--because I can feel it, a longing, a calling that grows by the day, a knowing that there is only one person that I can ever meld with completely. I didn't know if I would find them in this lifetime, but now I believe that I will--and soon, probably within the next few years. Call it a premonition of sorts. Whether it'll be someone I already knew, and failed to recognize, or someone new entirely, I don't know--but I will be ready. Old ways of thinking, old beliefs, old peices of my life are falling apart. I am preparing to shed the trappings of the past, to close a chapter and open a brand new one. I don't know anything about this new chapter at all; it is wide open, bringing with it a sense of both uncertainty and freedom.
When I first started reading about Twin Flames and how they come together for a divine purpose in service to humanity, I assumed this work would begin upon the Reunion, that it is work that must be done together. Now I know this isn't true. I do not need my Twin Flame to begin or even finish this work. I began long ago. I remember a dozen "students" that I have connected with online and mentored, people that I have helped to understand the tarot, people I have brought into the Wiccan religion who later went on to forge their own paths, people I have helped through the tarot, a group of high schoolers gathering in a circle once a week at lunch, taking notes as I tell them about the All and magic and reincarnation, without even fully understanding myself. And I know that I have influence upon this world. I have not lost that. I just have not been using it.
I am under divine protection. What will be will be. I will go when it is time, whether I am finished or not, and I will be reborn to finish what I have started. All mourning for the events, losses or shortcomings of this lifetime come from the ego, my shell in this life, while the Divine within me knows that in the bigger picture there will be no true losses or shortcomings. My destiny is under divine protection. My union with The One, whether it is my Twin Flame, whether I even really have a Twin Flame, or whether it is merely a soul mate, is under divine protection. It does not matter if it happens in this lifetime. Time is infinite. It will happen. It is not my duty to seek these things. It is my duty to be patient as events unfold--not an easy task for a fire sign, and yet I seem to have an abundance of patience. It does run out, though, so my goal is to create an endless well of patience--and faith. Faith is not about religion. It's about trust--in life, in the natural order, in the Divine, whatever form that may take.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
Everything will come full circle.
I think I must be here, quite simply, to sew as much kindness, compassion, and forgiveness into the world as I can. It's something I've always tried to do, although I won't say I have never failed. I, in fact, fail on a daily basis because there are people I have yet to forgive, including myself. I've always felt guilty for even the smallest act of selfishness; it has taken me a long time to learn to "let" myself do things for myself without that feeling. I must be here to set a model for others, a template of selflessness, of love. Too many people equate selflessness with martyrdom. This is the kind of belief I am here to help change.
I think possibly I was born to be a vessel to absorb the hate, cruelty and pain of others, process it, channel it back into positive energy, and release it back into the world. This must be why I have run into so much wickedness and pain. This is why what I give to others is not returned to me--so that I will not expect return, because it is only my purpose to give. This is why I am an empath, why I can read the emotions of others so easily, why people are so willing to spill to me their deepest feelings--because I am here to heal them, even though I have such a hard time healing myself. This is why I have been a target for abuse--not because I am a victim, but because I am a vessel. People are supposed to pour their evil into me, so that I can turn it into good. It is my purpose to do this because I can, because I am strong enough, and I can do this because I was born to do this. I am open to suffering because I have suffered, and all of this has taught me the humility I will need to change this world.
I have been doing this all along my whole life unconsciously. It is no easy task, nor one I have always fulfilled. I have my own hurt to process and release, and I, too, have inadvertently released it into the world in some negative form or another--whether it be grouchiness, or hatred, or anger. I am nowhere near done, and it is a process I will have to repeat over and over, not only as I take in the negativity of others but also as I encounter more hurt and pain of my own in life. I know, though, that I am on the verge of new understanding. Even as I slide into depression yet again, now I give myself over to it, ride it, release it as it comes, and the smiles through my tears that once were painful and forced now come more easily. I smile because I am comforted by my tears, and when I smile, I am comforted even more. It is a smile of acceptance, of understanding that it is okay to feel this way, that this will pass and come again and pass, and that this is the way of life, especially for me.
I am still wrapping my head around new concepts of god and of love. I feel closer to understanding myself and the grand design than I ever have before, like a word dangling from the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get to come out. It feels like a sort of spiritual puberty, which is surprising, because formerly I had considered myself pretty spiritually evolved. Now I look back and realize it was more of an adolescense. My soul is growing up in this life. Perhaps the new bouts of depression are simply growing pains, necessary healing to facilitate a necessary heart opening. I am beginning to accept I have a certain path in this life that is very different than the one I imagined and wanted, and with that comes mourning for those lost intentions and possibilities. But the future holds all possibilities still. And as I come closer to this new understanding, I know that part of my purpose is to spread that understanding once I grasp it--to wake everyone else up.
I used to worry that I would die without ever being loved the way I wanted, needed, and deserved. Now I know this is a choice, not something that is out of my control, because I can learn to love myself this way. It is difficult because I have never had much love for myself really; that's always seemed selfish. I should love others, and love for me should come from others. But this is a false way of thinking. I must love myself so that others can learn how to love themselves--and because any love I feel for anyone else will be flawed until I am at peace within, which will only come through unconditional love for myself as well as everyone else, even the wicked hearts that sew sorrow into this world. Perhaps that is their purpose, and mine is the opposite--yin and yang.
I find myself increasingly fascinated by the concept of Twin Flames. I don't believe everyone has one, but I know that I do--because I can feel it, a longing, a calling that grows by the day, a knowing that there is only one person that I can ever meld with completely. I didn't know if I would find them in this lifetime, but now I believe that I will--and soon, probably within the next few years. Call it a premonition of sorts. Whether it'll be someone I already knew, and failed to recognize, or someone new entirely, I don't know--but I will be ready. Old ways of thinking, old beliefs, old peices of my life are falling apart. I am preparing to shed the trappings of the past, to close a chapter and open a brand new one. I don't know anything about this new chapter at all; it is wide open, bringing with it a sense of both uncertainty and freedom.
When I first started reading about Twin Flames and how they come together for a divine purpose in service to humanity, I assumed this work would begin upon the Reunion, that it is work that must be done together. Now I know this isn't true. I do not need my Twin Flame to begin or even finish this work. I began long ago. I remember a dozen "students" that I have connected with online and mentored, people that I have helped to understand the tarot, people I have brought into the Wiccan religion who later went on to forge their own paths, people I have helped through the tarot, a group of high schoolers gathering in a circle once a week at lunch, taking notes as I tell them about the All and magic and reincarnation, without even fully understanding myself. And I know that I have influence upon this world. I have not lost that. I just have not been using it.
I am under divine protection. What will be will be. I will go when it is time, whether I am finished or not, and I will be reborn to finish what I have started. All mourning for the events, losses or shortcomings of this lifetime come from the ego, my shell in this life, while the Divine within me knows that in the bigger picture there will be no true losses or shortcomings. My destiny is under divine protection. My union with The One, whether it is my Twin Flame, whether I even really have a Twin Flame, or whether it is merely a soul mate, is under divine protection. It does not matter if it happens in this lifetime. Time is infinite. It will happen. It is not my duty to seek these things. It is my duty to be patient as events unfold--not an easy task for a fire sign, and yet I seem to have an abundance of patience. It does run out, though, so my goal is to create an endless well of patience--and faith. Faith is not about religion. It's about trust--in life, in the natural order, in the Divine, whatever form that may take.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
I, the essence of God, give my entire self to God.
Everything will come full circle.
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