My dog died today. It was an accident. She was gone so fast. I guess that's the way of it. It can be over in a heart beat for any of us. Maybe this just happened to remind me of that, again. I'm so shocked and sad and angry. I keep going over the what if's and nevers and should haves in my mind. I keep realizing the truth again and reliving it over and over. I think it's different when a dog dies than a person. Dogs become our friends in a way people never can be, especially over ten years of spending more time with the dog than anyone else.
She picked a good day to die, though. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, nature was alive and well all around us. It was peaceful. It didn't take very long for her to die so she didn't suffer too long. I got to bury her somewhere special, instead of a random house I'd have moved from in a year. She was old and deaf and tumor-ridden, and she could have gotten cancer or suffered through her end of days. I'm planning to adopt another dog, whom she never met, so I never had to worry if she felt replaced.
She died with my arm around her. I was with her right to the end, and that's how I always wanted her to die. She didn't die while I was out of town. I didn't wake up to find she had slipped away in the night. I was right by her as she fought for her life and comforting her as she drew her last breath. Besides more time I don't know what else I could ask for.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens when it's meant to. It hurts, but I will heal from this and at least, for the first time in a long time, I'm handling my grief from a more positive viewpoint. I have to drive down the road she died on, in the car she died in, walk past her grave, lie alone in the bed we used to sleep in, and live in a house where she no longer follows me room to room. And that's going to take strength I know I have. I just wish I didn't have to do it.
She picked a good day to die, though. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, nature was alive and well all around us. It was peaceful. It didn't take very long for her to die so she didn't suffer too long. I got to bury her somewhere special, instead of a random house I'd have moved from in a year. She was old and deaf and tumor-ridden, and she could have gotten cancer or suffered through her end of days. I'm planning to adopt another dog, whom she never met, so I never had to worry if she felt replaced.
She died with my arm around her. I was with her right to the end, and that's how I always wanted her to die. She didn't die while I was out of town. I didn't wake up to find she had slipped away in the night. I was right by her as she fought for her life and comforting her as she drew her last breath. Besides more time I don't know what else I could ask for.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens when it's meant to. It hurts, but I will heal from this and at least, for the first time in a long time, I'm handling my grief from a more positive viewpoint. I have to drive down the road she died on, in the car she died in, walk past her grave, lie alone in the bed we used to sleep in, and live in a house where she no longer follows me room to room. And that's going to take strength I know I have. I just wish I didn't have to do it.
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